The Stresses of Life

Things here have been here okay I’d say. Since the time that we have been home, I have just been working. Because I work up on campus, I only work twenty hours a week. So, I work for 8 in the morning until noon. Pretty sweet, right? With the rest of my day, I usually catch up on housework, make dinner, and wait for Dan to get home. However, since we have been home, Dan has not been to work. While we were gone in Missouri, Idaho received a bunch of rain. Typically, this would be a good thing, but it was the wrong time of year. With that, the Farmers are having a rough time…and Dan has not been able to work. It is a bit stressful because there are bills that need to be paid, but I know that everything will work out.

I find that all too often I get caught up in the stress of finances. I find myself constantly checking our bank account and wondering if we have the finances that we need to get by. I don’t know why I stress-it is not like it makes things any better. But I do. Thankfully, at the moment, I think that we are doing okay. But I am worried for whatever our future holds.

As you may know, I am going to school in the Fall. Because this is my "off-track" Dan and I had planned to pay for this from the money that we have, but I found out that I received an academic scholarship. It will pay for most of my schooling. What a blessing. But I wonder about the other things that we want and need. Like, at the end of the year, Dan and I would like another vehicle for when a baby comes. And we are planning on trying to have a baby in November. Can you imagine all of the expenses of it all? I’m a bit worried.

Not only these things, but other things concern me a little. I am set to graduate Winter 2016. After that, I will go to work in order to provide. That idea is a little scary in itself. Dan will then graduate Winter 2017….and have I told you what comes after that? Well, he now would like to become an orthopedic surgeon. That means medical school (4 years) and residency (4-5 years). All the while I feel that I am expected to provide. I am going to be a teacher, so I know that I will not make that much. That makes me nervous. And I feel that it will be nearly impossible to have children during that time. It is all just too crazy.

So, in case you could not tell, these thoughts have been consuming much of my time. Isn’t that sad? But today in church I realized something: while education and work is important, that is not why we are here on this earth. That is not what matters most.

I think that I am afraid that Heavenly Father will somehow loose track of me or forget me in the process of all of this. Within the last year, I have changed my name from Katie Evans to Katie Hulse. I am now a wife. Hopefully, this next year will bring a baby into the picture. And with that, my name will then by ‘mom’. A year later, I will graduate and kids will call me ‘teacher’.  Will He forget me? Will I be lost? Well, today I felt the distinct answer: I will never be lost, and I will never be forgotten.

I have realized that it does not matter what life throws my way, I am still a daughter of God; I am His precious daughter. With that, He is so aware of all of my concerns and worries. He knows the stresses that I am experiencing, and I feel confidant that He is here to guide me. More than this, I know that He is aware of all of my deepest desires and wishes. He knows that I want to be a good teacher, a great wife, and an inspiring mother. He knows my heart. I truly know this to be true. And because He knows of these desires, I believe that He desires them for me. He wants to see me fulfill these things; He wants to see me happy.

I am His daughter and He will never leave me. I have faith that He is by my side, walking me through all the stresses of life. I believe that He sees the righteous desires of my heart, and will lovingly grant me these things. I trust that I will be able to be a teacher, wife, and mother. I believe that I will be able to provide in those times that Dan is in school. And while that does not mean that things will be easy, I feel that I will never be left alone. I never have to be alone. If I turn to the Father in faith, I can make it.

I am must admit that I am still a little stressed about money, and still a little nervous about the things that are to come…but I am beginning to feel better. I need to put my trust in the Lord. And, by this, I mean my complete trust.

Elder Wirthlin, an Apostle of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, has a quote that inspires me. It is something that I believe is a great source to turn to in times of struggle. He offers these words: "The Lord Jesus Christ is our partner, helper, and advocate. He wants us to be happy. He wants us to be successful. If we do our part, He will step in.” 

I believe this to be true. I trust in the Lord. All will be well.